Recently we spoke at Transformation Church in Fort Mill, SC near Charlotte– our topic—Forgiveness. The feedback about our talk was very positive and the vast majority of the people who commented appreciated the section on what forgiveness is Not. Here are some highlights: Forgiveness is not exoneration or saying that the offender is not guilty. It is not justification or making excuses. It is not denial or minimizing the offense to keep peace or look pious. Forgiveness is not toleration, saying that the offender can continue his or her offensive behavior simply because they have asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is simply for giving a person pardon and for giving you freedom.
In my (Bev) childhood I had much to forgive, among many things my mother’s physical beatings and her endless rants about my worthlessness. Her words, “If abortion were legal I would have gotten rid of you,” were tattooed to my soul for years. I tried to exonerate her (surely I have to honor my mother). I tried to justify her actions (after all she was an abused child herself). I tried denial and was successful for years until my headaches, stomach problems, and depression got the best of me. It took the gentle hand of the Holy Spirit nudging me to finally realize that I had to sincerely grieve my lost childhood, innocence, and self-esteem in order to forgive my mother’s abuse. In doing so I had to open up a wound that I had denied for years. We say in the Soul Healing Love Model that you can’t heal what you can’t feel. This was certainly true for me. In fact I had to forgive my mother over and over again, and each time the Lord was with me holding my hand. It is true –Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die. Forgiveness is indeed a path to freedom.
